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Confederate telegram to the Union.


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You might think that it appears like the Union is turning things around, but let me assure you that they aren't. The CF (Confederacy) has never and will never lose a conflict. We are born winners and so long as the hivemind lives, they cannot lose. Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design. Jacktropolis, you think that you have a chance? Think again! The CF is going to win this campaign as we have every other campaign we've fought in. You have no chance at all, you might as well just give up now. That being said, to all the Union soldiers who are fighting bravely for the dictatorship of the United States, know that the CF is a place for true American freedom. We would never trample on your rights just because of some shitty concept of morality and we have no interest in becoming a dictatorship like the United States. We are a democratic republic organized as a confederation of allied states (a confederacy, if you will).

If you truly value freedom, you will turn on your Union dictators and shoot them in their stupid faces and then come on over to the CF to enjoy true freedom. You're all our brothers. We're not going to turn away family just because they got tricked by some snake oil salesman and their pyramid scheme "business plan". Come home, brothers and sisters. Let's just sit down and have a beer and forget all about the Union. Mom is making roast beef for dinner.  She makes the best roast beef.

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